Settling In

I think part of why I had a somewhat overwhelming first week at my new job is because I'm worried what my boss will think of me. He's an awesome boss and really laid back and funny, but I still get nervous.

I gave this subject a lot of thought over the weekend and today, and I've come to some conclusions: 1. Yes, I am most definitely worried what my boss thinks about me/that he will judge me, 2. What if he decides that even though I do my job well, he doesn't like my personal views, and 3. Why should I be worried about any of this? As long as I'm doing my best at work, it's pretty out of my hands.

I know it's pretty typical to be concerned with what your boss thinks of you, and I'm definitely still concerned with what he thinks of my ability to do my job. That's not going to change. But when he asks questions to find out more about what I did before a week ago, well, I shouldn't get nervous. But I do. I stammer over my words in hopes of searching for something I know will adequately meet whatever requirements he might have. He is my boss. It is my job to be professional and do a great job at work, but it's not my job to say everything I can say to please him 100%.

I also need to be mindful that we're coming to this organization from very different backgrounds. I believe he's mostly done corporate-ish work previously, and I know he still owns a for-profit company with his wife. I know he's probably working in the non-profit sector (and on this project, even) for entirely different reasons than I am, and I need to be respectful of that.

We're supposed to have lunch one day this week, and my goal is to take my time, carefully say what I want/mean to say, and breathe.

"Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity." -Pema Chodron

(Also, in other news, I did check out the meditation center at lunch today, and it was fantastic!)