Let This be a Reminder

I just got back from a 8 day vacation with my family. Now, they are crazy. You'll have to trust me. I can't write everything on the internet, you know. But never again. I would say that 4 days is my max to spend with them.

It's a slow adjustment. My anxiety is really coming out. I think it's here to say, "Yo, something's wrong. Please don't spend that much time with a bunch of people that hate each other again." Hopefully this post, among other things, will serve as a reminder to not agree to that much time with them again.

They work their way in though, and gradually they always make me think that maybe this will be the time when everything is 100% a-okay. They call multiple times a day (red flag!), and I've gotten it down to where I only actually answer once every day or so. Talking to them that infrequently makes them seem quite pleasant, and it forces them to behave. Spending 8 days with them allows them to think they can act all crazy-cakes on me, that I'm no longer enough of a stranger, fronting is no longer needed. Well, I prefer that they put the whole act on for me. Really, I do.

Mmm what [I] say? Mmm that [I] only meant well? Well of course [I] did.

I've had a pretty bad day today. I was completely exhausted this morning when I woke up, and just couldn't seem to wake up at work either. The afternoon was a little better than the morning, but not much. I had a pretty okay night after work. I came home and made dinner and went to acupuncture. Liz even drove me, and acupuncture was great. It felt so good. I left feeling very focused on the present moment. Then a little bit after getting home from acupuncture I decided to try to hem some new jeans I got. It was a mistake. I should not have tried to hem them. It was just the final straw on a bad day.

After a few stitches, I said something about how it was a mess. Now, I meant it was a figurative mess, but I guess Liz took it to be a literal mess because she said something about how if it was a mess then I shouldn't do it. It upset me so much! It was an hour ago that she said that and I'm still really upset, and obviously it wasn't just the jeans/hemming that got me upset. It was just the sum of the entire day. I don't think I would have felt this way while taking Zoloft. I am just so weepy right now. I swear I've cried more in the past two weeks than I have in the past two years.

I hate to say it, but it's getting really hard. I'm pretty sure Liz hates me now, and I don't know what to do. I'm very, very upset and exhausted. I keep getting upset at little things lately, but this is the biggest little thing I've gotten upset about since beginning to taper off Zoloft. I just don't know. I feel like it's really messing everything up.