Sunday, December 5, 2010

Fog Explained

Turns out I was in slow mode because of Zyrtec, which I mistakenly thought would make me feel better. Instead I just felt extremely groggy until I put two and two together and stopped taking it and starting taking Claritin-D instead. Whew. I feel amazing now!

I've had a fabulous weekend. Unfortunately I didn't get to do a longer run as planned. I did BodyPump on Friday night and then went ice skating for around an hour on Saturday and the combination just made me too sore. But my mind wants to run! It'll have to wait!! Tomorrow night I plan on doing a cycling class at the gym. Perhaps Liz will run with me Wednesday night after I volunteer.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Inevitable

I'm totally stuck in a cold-induced fog right now. Ugh. It's so disorienting and frustrating. Yesterday I couldn't remember the word for cafe au lait so I just said coffee with steamed milk, and it took me a couple minutes to come up with that one! Sigh. It was so scary that I couldn't remember what seems to me such a simple word/phrase.

It's very tough and scary and actually kind of hard to apply mindfulness to this situation. My brain has been in slow mode for about 4-5 days now, and I'm just ready to think like myself again!

Saturday, November 27, 2010


A great haiku from the New Yorker.

I am busy now;
The Internet has stolen
So much precious time.

There's a lot of truth in this haiku. What would you be doing if you weren't online? Let's start with me...I'd be reading words printed on actually paper.

Read more

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Great Quote

"how you do anything is how you do everything"

I read this yesterday on Jenna's wonderful blog, and I've been trying to make it my new mantra. I've heard it before, but the way her post set-up the quote really made it hit home for me. I suggest you check it out here.

PS--can anyone tell me why I can't make this italic font go away?? haha

Friday, November 19, 2010

Running from Goodness. Why?

I just did a quick, 5 minute meditation. Why don't I do this more often? Why do I mentally run from meditating regularly? I always have, even when I was meditating daily. But it is so good for me. It makes me feel calm and balanced. Running away from good things is kind of a theme in my life. Or it has been since around 7th grade. I'm trying to fix this. It just takes slow, daily commitment.

This is a great site from UCLA with several meditation downloads available:

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Wandering Mind and Happiness

Whatever people were doing, whether it was having sex or reading or shopping, they tended to be happier if they focused on the activity instead of thinking about something else. In fact, whether and where their minds wandered was a better predictor of happiness than what they were doing.

Click to read the whole article.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I Am Me and That's Okay

I woke up this morning feeling a little guilty. You see, the previous night I went out with my old, fabulous co-workers for happy hour. We drank a lot of margaritas and then parted ways around 8:30. I then proceeded to go to a party where I was definitely the most drunk...okay, maybe not the most drunk, but the most drunk-acting. See, put a couple of drinks in me, and I'm outgoing, giggly, silly. I woke up this morning worried that maybe I had been too outgoing, giggly, silly, etc. But after a couple of seconds of worrying about this, I realized that this is me. This is how I get after a drink or two. Okay, confession: I even get that way after a particularly strong dose of caffeine. It's just in my personality to be silly. And that is okay. It's who I am. Besides, if I need to rationalize, I can always point to the fact that there were people at the party who were arguably demonstrating much worse behavior than me. :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Big, Fun Announcement

I've decided to do the Broad Street 10 miler in 2011. This marks me getting back into running. This is huge. I have effectively taken a 2+ year break from running in order to mentally disassociate running from a weight loss activity. As I begin running (and exercising regularly in general) again, I am constantly thinking about how the activity makes me feel strong. I'm taking care to fuel my body properly before and after exercise. And I feel good. My self esteem is actually even gradually getting better!

So, tonight I ran 2 miles after work! Haha, I have to laugh because it's just so funny after how much I used to run. Anyway, I took it nice and slow. The first half mile I ran at a 12 min pace. The second half mile a ran at a 10:34 pace. The next half mile I alternated between 10 and 9:40 pace and then for my final half mile I alternated between 9:34 and 8:34. I ran around 5:15. At 3 I ate a 200 calorie energy bar (which is about what I would eat for a normal afternoon snack) and then drank maybe a cup of sports drink. I did some basic, easy lifting after running to cool down and because it's fun.

Anyway, that run was actually pretty challenging for me! I'm excited to increase my endurance and super pumped to be challenging myself in this way again. :)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I just watched White on Rice. It's so good, and it's on Netflix watch instantly. I highly recommend it. I also made a fort to watch it in. You know, one of those old-fashioned blanket and chair type things. I needed some good, quality blanket fort time. It makes me feel so wrapped up and safe. I woke up very anxious and still felt that way after yoga so blanket fort to the rescue.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Hanging on

Annnnd....I'm done. I need the weekend to catch up and rejuvenate. I'm exhausted from 3 weeks of lots of weekend activity. I feel a little lost right now. I feel like everything is swirling around me out of control.

Between now and Friday I simply have to go to work, meditate, work out tonight, acupuncture (yeah!!!) tomorrow and that's all. Maybe I'll yoga on Friday night.

Saturday I am babysitting and Sunday I'm going to try to go to yoga for free at Lululemon. It helps to write it all down.

Oh and I'm reading Portia de Rossi's book. Review to come. It's very insightful.

Monday, November 1, 2010


No real time to talk, but I went to spin tonight and it was AMAZING. I felt/and still feel so STRONG! I'm still pretty pumped, hence the title. Now to eat dinner and do my

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Here's My Confession

Meditating has been falling by the wayside. (Note: what is the wayside?) As in, I haven't been doing it everyday! I just kinda gradually stopped. I had been doing it everyday for well over a year, too. It's weird how that can just fall off. No conscious decision was made on my part, either.

Soooo, I will be meditating today and tomorrow and the next day. I'm recommitting myself to getting back on the path because I can REALLY tell a difference.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Well, failed on the posting everyday thing this week. It's tough. The days just pass by so quickly with work and going to the gym and trying to keep the house together. And all that time I need to devote to Law and Order...not to mention my midterm that's due on Nov. 2nd. Remind me again why I'm taking a class?

In all seriousness, taking this class has been good for me. It's shown me that I have no interest whatsoever in purely solitary academic pursuits. I need people and real-life results.

Monday, October 25, 2010


I can't really stress how important it is for me, as a woman, to feel that it's important that I exist, to feel that my place in the world is necessary. I used to rise up constantly and beat back against a world that so vehemently seemed against me. (Dramatic much? Well, I was a teenager.)

Then I got sick. I feel like I say this a lot as an explanation for my behavior, but it really isn't my sickness that put a stop to my strength. My strength had suffered blows before. My sickness was the final straw.

I built my strength up again; finally, four years after near death, I began taking zoloft and going to therapy regularly. I was working and I finally could afford it. I realize that my own power to earn a living wage, in addition to my power to admit that I needed help, led me to facilitate this. (My parents don't believe in therapy or SSRIs, though my Dad does regularly crush up SSRIs in my mom's drinks...or he did when I was a kid, but that's a story for a whole 'nother time, though I suppose it did teach me that women weren't to be trusted to make decisions about their own bodies or feelings.)

Then I lost my strength again. I thought I was strong. I felt strong. I was strong. I was meditating every day and I found joy in my job and my place in the world. I was smiling! I stopped taking zoloft. Slowly I began to fade, began to have nightmares again, began to be fearful of living, while simultaneously fearful of dying. It was confusing to say the least, and all I had done was stop taking this tiny pill.

I have been back on the pill for 8 months now, and I am starting to feel like I did when I decided to go off of it. I feel strong, capable and aware of my own strength, my own abilities, no matter how big or small they may be. I have goals and dreams. It's a beautiful thing.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


I went to spinning tonight! It was awesome. I biked there and back (just .75 miles away). I was pretty nervous about doing this, but knew that if I just took it one step at a time I could do it. I didn't crash my bike. (Which happened earlier this year when I was pretty unfocused on the present moment and collided with some crazy trolley tracks...) I went slow and steady and, uh, I won the race? Yeah, I did!

Friday, October 22, 2010

A Success!

I did it! I went to the gym last night for TBC. That would be Total Body Conditioning. It was so fun! I love classes. And I had some crackers and cottage cheese beforehand so I felt great. I also chatted with people before class started. It's easy to chat with people in a class you've never been to before. Just ask what equipment you need! So, I feel very proud and energized and strong. I'm always afraid exercise will run me down, but I'm feeling great.

Tonight we're going out with friends, but if I am able to get enough sleep I'm thinking about going to spinning at 11 a.m. My goal is to go to the gym to take a class 3 times a week. It's so much more fun and energizing than to go on the machines!!!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Afraid to Fail

After being so sick and a lifetime of emotional abuse, I just had a breakthrough. I'm afraid to fail. This has gotten better, but it still sets me back in a lot of areas. The best example I can think of is the gym. Ever since I graduated from college I have just stopped going. I'm scared of passing out. I'm scared of having to make myself more food (that's good fuel, not chips, etc.) because I feel like I can't handle it. Seriously. It's ridic. I'm trying to get over this hurdle. I think the best thing for me to do is to take everything (especially scary things) one step at a time. Literally.
This guy (Chris Spealler) is giving me inspiration right now--note the sweet tattoo. (It says "I am not ashamed to fail.") Very inspirational for me in the sense that it shows that being afraid of failing is something everyone struggles with.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I feel as though I sound like a 16 year old in my previous post. Sorry for that. I am, indeed, 10 years older. I was so upset, which probably goes without saying. I feel very rejected by my mom, and it's tough. Sometimes it's tougher than others.

I need to not let her behavior (and my dad's) hold me back. I need to continue to really work hard and rise above it. It's tough to know how to do that when I was raised in such a dysfunctional environment. If your caretakers can't take care of each other/themselves, how are they supposed to teach you to care for yourself? If your caretakers reject you, how are you supposed to accept yourself?

I wish everyone who was seriously contemplating being a parent was magically infertile until *boom* they could care for themselves well. When setting out to become a parent, it's not imperative to have all the answers to life. That's impossible. But it is important to have the basics down, to know who you are, to be secure with yourself and your place in the world, to be secure in your relationship with your significant other and yourself.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Too upset to explain.
How can my mom fwd mail
To my address from 3 years ago?
Not realize for a week
Blame me when it doesn't arrive
Only to put two and two together
So symbolic of her disdain
Her distance
Her disaster

The lack of mail is no bother.
The lack of knowledge
And/or interest in my basic existence is.

Friday, October 15, 2010

SAHW for 1.5 Days

It's a bit of a long story, but I took yesterday and today off from work. Since we're not going out of town until this afternoon that has equaled a lot of free time around the house, which I have really loved. Yesterday I began my day by making us breakfast (which is how I usually begin my day, but since I knew I didn't have to rush off to work it was quite lovely). Then I laid around for a bit watching tv and reading and surfing online (do people still say surf when referring to the internet?).

Then the day got interesting. Or, interesting to me, rather. I roasted a butternut squash. I swept the floors. I did a load of laundry (just towels, pillow cases, and undies). I made butternut squash, goat cheese, and black bean quesadillas for lunch. I showered. I went to CVS. I took a walk and got a cup of tea at Satellite where I read "Paris to the Moon" for an hour before heading to my acupuncture appointment. Then I walked home and proceeded to drive to Target to stock up on Coke Zero for Liz (and myself...I drink them too. I just refer to it as Liz's thing). Then I went to therapy and came home to make black bean soup and watch 30 Rock with Liz and Law and Order by myself. Love.

While it sounds like I did a lot, I actually had a ton of time for breaks in between all that doing. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't have to go to your 9-5.

Now I'm home again today. Liz is at school taking exams and will be home between 1 and 2. I'm gonna head to yoga at 10. And I need to grab some 1 quart plastic baggies to hold my liquids since we're flying to Boston.

My point is that I think I'd be pretty bored for the rest of the day if we weren't heading to Boston. If we had a baby working less and staying home more would be helpful, but just being at home to take care of the house and Liz would get boring. Our apartment is pretty small, and once I'm caught up with cleaning there's not a ton to do. I can only watch so much Law and Order and 30 Rock is only on once a week. As much as I find that my job is sometimes boring, I need it. I need the stability and order it provides for me. I'm writing that here so I remember.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


I am renewing by commitment to post here daily. Why daily? If not daily then I won't post at all. I've tried the 3 days a week thing, the every other day thing, the once a week thing and it just did not work. So now it's daily. We'll see.

As an aside, can I just say how many spelling errors I would have in emails, etc. if it weren't for spell check? I mean, seriously. I've seen all the anti-spell check propaganda. For instance:

"I would like to apply fore a job as an editor of your paper. I halve a computer, and it has spellcheck, and it wood seam that this is awl I really knead." For the rest of this letter, click here.

However, I have common sense. The above person obviously does not. Or is just to busy to read over his/her work...errr, the work of spell check to make sure it's okay before sending in the job app.

Tangent aside, where were we? Ah, yes. Daily. Well, today I will say that I have really been not so great at meditating lately. I've just let it kinda slide so I can focus on cooking dinner, and, let me not lie, reading online and watching tv. A bit lame of me. But I am committing to meditate today. I have the day off work and all the time in the world. Should be good.

Saturday, February 27, 2010


We ate dinner at Parc last night. Amazing. We had been there before, but, gosh, it is just more delicious each time. We started with the mushroom soup. So amazing! I actually talked Liz into ordering it and sharing it with me because I knew if I ate that plus the amazing baguette and butter I would have a difficult time eating a main course, too.

It was divine. Seriously, nothing was bad or close to mediocre, even. And we finished with this marvelous Apple Tart for dessert:

(Sorry that it's a blackberry pic, but I always seem to forget my camera.) This dinner was also a tribute to Intuitive Eating (IE) for me. I semi-paced myself and checked in with how full I was throughout the meal. I also talked Liz into splitting the soup with me because I knew that I couldn't handle an entire soup plus bread plus entree. Speaking of the bread...yum! And it's served with the best butter. For dinner I had the duck confit, and there are no words to even describe how good it was. All was consumed with about 1.5 glasses of cabernet, which was also fab.

Now, I did feel pretty saturated with rich food by the end of the meal. Hence I was only able to eat a few forkfuls of dessert, but the walk back to our car (the long walk back to our car...we didn't want to pay for parking (plus we both like to walk)...) helped me digest a bit and I'm feeling pretty great this morning! I'm totally ready to tackle chores and other Saturday stuff.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Way to (and from) Work

I have to admit, I had bigger and better visions of pictures for this post. Well, perhaps not bigger. The fact is our weather has been just rainy and damp lately so my "walk to/from work" post is a little lacking. Let's call this my winter walk to/from work post. As it gets warmer I'll take lots of time to take fun and interesting pictures because I think I see lots of neat details in my neighborhood each day.

Right now, however, it's winter. We're expecting our fourth huge storm tonight and it's supposed to last until mid-Friday morning. So I leave you with this brief snapshot of what I saw tonight:

Tomorrow it'll look more like this:

Sunday, February 21, 2010

It's the Little Things

Can I just say that Liz is the best. Even though she is in med school and has 21 exams during this oh-so-short month of February, she took time off to take me out for frozen yogurt and a walk in Rittenhouse because I was cranky. Sigh. I am no longer cranky, but I am very grateful. It would be even better if I could make this post more visually pleasing and insert a picture of my delicious fro-yo right here! :)

In other news, perhaps I need to set some blogging goals? As in, I will post 3 times a week? And each post will have pictures. That seems do-able. Coming up walk to work.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

You Tell Me

Remember when I talked about my "Just Do It" philosophy? Well, I totally fell off that wagon today. I live in Philadelphia and we got a crazy blizzard. As in a for real blizzard. I'd never even seen one of those before. It's actually still going on. Crazy. Because of the blizzard I got a for real snow day. I'd seen one of those before, but not in a long while. So I was home all day and did not meditate until 5:30 p.m. even though I was feeling anxious since mid-morning. What gives?

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Okay With Less Than Pefect

Gah, I feel like it's been so long since I've written here that I almost should just stop writing. I do that. I start a project that's not connected to school/work in any way and then I stop it when I feel I'm not doing it perfectly because there's no one holding me accountable. I used to really get mad at myself for this, but I think now I realize that it's just a personality trait. So. I'm going to keep writing even though I don't feel this blog is perfect.

It snowed 28.5" here in Philadelphia! Today everyone is digging out from it. Yesterday I went on a glorious 5 mile walk (crazy, I know, but I love to walk and Liz is studying non stop for tests) in the snow. I meandered all the way from our apartment down to Rittenhouse Square and back. My original plan was to stop for tea at Barnes & Noble in Rittenhouse, but it was CLOSED! In fact, most things were closed. No Starbucks or any other coffee/tea places I passed were open! I ended up stopping right next to our apartment when I got back to get a Raspberry Rooibos tea. It was delish and definitely much yummier than B&N tea or Starbucks.

I'm headed to acupuncture in about an hour. Should be good! I haven't been in two weeks, and I had a kinda bad week last week so maybe that's why?? I don't know. I also went to Power Vinyassa again after a very bad day, and it did make me feel better!

My favorite picture from my walk:

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Power Vinyasa Yoga

There's a Baron Baptiste affiliated Yoga studio near me that I've been going to off and on for over 2 years now. Off and on because I would try out different studios from time to time, too. But I've decided I love Baptiste yoga. It's just for me. I mean, I've always known vinyasa (a style of yoga that focuses on breath and connecting each different yoga pose) is definitely my thing, but Baptiste vinyasa is without a doubt my thing. I took a class last night, and I think I'm going to start making it a more regular thing. I just felt so clear and awake afterward.

The studio near me is doing a six week intensive yoga/meditation program right now, but I don't want to impulsively commit myself to anything (since I tend to do that...) so I'm going to do my own version of it. I'm going to try to go 2-3 times/week and see how that feels. Perhaps the next time they offer the six week program I'll do it.

I'm also going to focus on continuing my meditation practice each day and continuing to make sure I have good food packed to eat at work (which is a goal I set earlier). I'll make sure and post my thoughts again after my next class.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

How do you keep mindfulness alive during particularly boring bouts at work?

I'm a tad bit at a loss on this one. I've tried deep breaths and re-focusing on reading materials that I don't really have to read but could read for work. In the end I just keep going back to reading things online and it makes me feel a little bit like I'm slowly going crazy. By reading random things online, visiting the same blogs over and over again I'm trying to do the opposite of mindfulness. I'm trying to escape from the present moment, from the reality of my situation, and at first it sounds like fun. Or like, oh, well, I just catch up on some gossip or news or whatever during this downtime, but it quickly spirals into nothingness and makes me feel crazy.

Should I just accept the random internet stuff as wanderings of my mind the same way that I accept the thoughts that pop up during meditation. Should I, as I do with thoughts during meditation, gently x-out of the web browser when it's obvious that I'm just aimlessly clicking away. This would follow the same idea as gently ignoring thoughts during meditation by saying "thinking" silently to myself and re-focusing on meditating. Could I do that at work? Could I say "mindlessly clicking" to myself and re-focus on my work or something else that is meaningful, such as writing for my blog or reading academic works online. I honestly don't even know if reading articles of a more academic nature would be any better. There's something about the glare of the computer screen that makes me feel crazy. Now, if I'm typing I feel fine.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Spending Free Time

Wow, it's been a while since I posted...

Anyway, today has been pretty darn boring, but I do have a whole topic that I want to talk about: the internet!

See, I think sometimes I mightmaybejustalittle have a small internet addiction. Perhaps addiction is much too strong of a word to use, but I'd say compulsion is good. For instance, I will go on at night time and only intend to do a couple of things and then shut the computer down, and then, bam, an hour has passed and I have no clue what I've been doing! It makes my brain hurt. All that staring at the screen and just checking out of the present moment. When I first graduated from college I would do this all the time. It was also before I found mindfulness meditation and I was searching for any way to just escape from the reality of post-grad life. I would just be online for hourssss. It was horrible. It made me feel bad, and I know I was neglecting my relationship with Liz because of it. Perhaps it was an addiction then. Now it's an occasional compulsion.

Well, now that we have the terms all defined, I'll explain my plan. I'm going to set an alarm for 15 minutes if I want to go on the internet while at home, and when the alarm goes off I'm done. As my old boss used to say, "D-U-N, done." She had some really great expression...another favorite of mine was, "This is weather for ducks! I'm going home!"

I also want to spend more time reading and even watching movies. Neither of those activities make me feel as crazy as going online for too long. I was actually just reading The New Yorker, and Liz is keeping track of my internet time so I will be off this thing in 10 minutes!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Have a Coke and a Smile

Now, I know I don't write too often (if ever?) about having an eating disorder. I like to think that it's because it really just hasn't been an issue in a couple of years. And it's true. It just really hasn't been an issue lately. The last time is was an issue at all was around Dec. of 2007, and it actually wasn't much of an issue at that time. It was more an issue in the "every woman has an eating disorder" sense.

Since Dec. 2007, through much trial and error in learning how to eat intuitively, I have largely returned to my pre-ana (though I can't really remember what that was like, to be honest) way of relating to food. ...With one caveat. There's always one, huh? I still remain scared of coke.

When I google scared of coke I get lots of stuff about people who are scared of kicking a cocaine habit and even quite a few sites about some child that is scared of what happens when you combine mentos and coca-cola.

Perhaps I should reframe. I'm scared of coca-cola, you know soda with calories. Diet coke isn't scary. I mean, I guess it actually is if you think about the crazy stuff that's in it, but eh, I can drink it in moderation, and I feel neither one way or the other about it.

I drank a coke today. It was delish. It reminds me of my childhood because my grandmother always had a ton of it on hand since her family owned a drug-store, you know, the old fashioned kind with an actual soda fountain. Amazing. Does that even exist anymore? I mean, aside from novelty restaurants pretending to be old-timey?

But I digress--it does still bother me a bit. For instance, I often don't order it/drink it even though I want to because in my head coca-cola is bad. However, there is no other item that I categorize as solely good anymore, so how can I keep coca-cola as bad and how can I make it fall into simply the food/drink category--not good or bad, just something to take in as I wish?

There is no way this can happen through avoiding coca-cola. In the same way that I have not become good at speaking to other people by staying at home on the couch, I cannot become comfortable with drinking coca-cola if I avoid it.

I also know that I cannot have opinions on food/drink. When I form opinions on food/drink or when I try to monitor what I eat, I always focus on cutting back and cutting out. If I remain scared of coke, next I will be scared of another food and then another... Years of trial and error has taught me this. The next time I want to have a coke, I will. And I think if I do this over and over again I will eventually be comfortable with it.

One more thing--I know I won't overdo it because I practice intuitive eating. When I want the coke, I'll drink it. When I feel as though I've had enough, I'll stop drinking it. I can trust my body to let me know when I've had enough. It is far wiser than I am about these things...obviously--I was anorexic for a long time after all.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Just Do It

Yes, it's the Nike slogan, but I'm realizing more and more that "Just Do It" is something that I need to embrace more. For instance, dishes are in the sink waiting to be washed? Don't think, just do. Laundry needs to be done? Just do. There are, of course, many other examples of this, but you get the general idea.

When I think about plotting out time to do things that need to be done, when I think about how I can put them off all that gets done is thinking. For instance, I have been thinking about this ever-growing pile of laundry in my bedroom for over two weeks now, and it still isn't done. I'm out of underwear and I've caused myself a lot of stress/anxiety just thinking about when I will do the laundry. Actually, in spending so much time thinking about when I will do it, I've lost out on many opportunities to actually do it.

Of course, realizing the necessitiy of the "Just Do It" mantra can be traced back to my mindfulness meditation practice. About six months in, I realized that while, yes, I was meditating everyday, I would also put it off. I realized if I just did it as soon as I got home from work or woke up in the morning, it would get done and I would be all the better for it. It became apparrent that thinking and planning and worrying about it was uncessessary.

I think this slogan can be prescribed to many things, not just daily chores but bigger events. Planning a wedding? No need to agonize, do the appropriate research, check your budget, confer with friends and family (and most importantly your fiance!) and then just do it. Make your decisions, trust yourself.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I just spent some time reading Gretchen Rubin's new book, The Happiness Project. I've been following her blog for some time now, and I have to say she has a lot of really great tips. For some reason I stopped reading her blog a few months ago, and picking up her book today really renewed and refreshed my own happiness project--though mindfulness is more the main focus of my project.

I realized that though mindfulness naturally is the main focus of my happiness project, it cannot be its only focus. By making it my only focus, I am neglecting to do many of the things that Gretchen found helpful, and that were originally very helpful to me. I'd like to do something along the lines of what she did in setting goals for each month. These won't be big, New Years Resolutions goals, they will be small. At the start of each month I will revisit Gretchen's blog/book to remind myself of what I'm aiming for and I'll set additional goals.

For January:
  • Make my lunch (and Liz's) for the next day every night
  • Write for 30 minutes each day
  • Once a week (let's say Tuesday night, give or take) meditate for an entire hour (I usually just do 15-20 minutes a day)
  • Stop nagging/snapping at Liz
"Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain

Sunday, January 3, 2010

New Years Resolutions

Normally I don't make any New Years Resolutions at all. I think it's kind of a silly tradition, but I do love the idea of starting out fresh. So I figure I might as well jump on the bandwagon. For 2010 I resolve to:

1. Look at the PW or the City Paper and pick activities to do on the weekend even if I have to do them alone. I want to sit around the house less on the weekend.
2. Strengthen relationships with friends I have and make new friends. This one could be difficult for me since I am still feel like I'm re-learning how to make/strengthen friendships.
3. Make my lunch 4/5 days a week. And not just any lunch--a good lunch that will cover snack times as well.
4. Write for 30 minutes a day. I think I make this promise to myself pretty often, but maybe this time it will stick.

Aside from resolutions, I've been feeling pretty anxious since I got back home. I think I'm just needing time to settle in. I have acupuncture today for the first time in a long while! Yay!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Let This be a Reminder

I just got back from a 8 day vacation with my family. Now, they are crazy. You'll have to trust me. I can't write everything on the internet, you know. But never again. I would say that 4 days is my max to spend with them.

It's a slow adjustment. My anxiety is really coming out. I think it's here to say, "Yo, something's wrong. Please don't spend that much time with a bunch of people that hate each other again." Hopefully this post, among other things, will serve as a reminder to not agree to that much time with them again.

They work their way in though, and gradually they always make me think that maybe this will be the time when everything is 100% a-okay. They call multiple times a day (red flag!), and I've gotten it down to where I only actually answer once every day or so. Talking to them that infrequently makes them seem quite pleasant, and it forces them to behave. Spending 8 days with them allows them to think they can act all crazy-cakes on me, that I'm no longer enough of a stranger, fronting is no longer needed. Well, I prefer that they put the whole act on for me. Really, I do.