Enthused

I went to spinning tonight! It was awesome. I biked there and back (just .75 miles away). I was pretty nervous about doing this, but knew that if I just took it one step at a time I could do it. I didn't crash my bike. (Which happened earlier this year when I was pretty unfocused on the present moment and collided with some crazy trolley tracks...) I went slow and steady and, uh, I won the race? Yeah, I did!

Afraid to Fail

After being so sick and a lifetime of emotional abuse, I just had a breakthrough. I'm afraid to fail. This has gotten better, but it still sets me back in a lot of areas. The best example I can think of is the gym. Ever since I graduated from college I have just stopped going. I'm scared of passing out. I'm scared of having to make myself more food (that's good fuel, not chips, etc.) because I feel like I can't handle it. Seriously. It's ridic. I'm trying to get over this hurdle. I think the best thing for me to do is to take everything (especially scary things) one step at a time. Literally.

This guy (Chris Spealler) is giving me inspiration right now--note the sweet tattoo. (It says "I am not ashamed to fail.") Very inspirational for me in the sense that it shows that being afraid of failing is something everyone struggles with.

Re-commitment

I am renewing by commitment to post here daily. Why daily? If not daily then I won't post at all. I've tried the 3 days a week thing, the every other day thing, the once a week thing and it just did not work. So now it's daily. We'll see.

As an aside, can I just say how many spelling errors I would have in emails, etc. if it weren't for spell check? I mean, seriously. I've seen all the anti-spell check propaganda. For instance:

"I would like to apply fore a job as an editor of your paper. I halve a computer, and it has spellcheck, and it wood seam that this is awl I really knead." For the rest of this letter, click here.

However, I have common sense. The above person obviously does not. Or is just to busy to read over his/her work...errr, the work of spell check to make sure it's okay before sending in the job app.

Tangent aside, where were we? Ah, yes. Daily. Well, today I will say that I have really been not so great at meditating lately. I've just let it kinda slide so I can focus on cooking dinner, and, let me not lie, reading online and watching tv. A bit lame of me. But I am committing to meditate today. I have the day off work and all the time in the world. Should be good.

Renewing

I just spent some time reading Gretchen Rubin's new book, The Happiness Project. I've been following her blog for some time now, and I have to say she has a lot of really great tips. For some reason I stopped reading her blog a few months ago, and picking up her book today really renewed and refreshed my own happiness project--though mindfulness is more the main focus of my project.

I realized that though mindfulness naturally is the main focus of my happiness project, it cannot be its only focus. By making it my only focus, I am neglecting to do many of the things that Gretchen found helpful, and that were originally very helpful to me. I'd like to do something along the lines of what she did in setting goals for each month. These won't be big, New Years Resolutions goals, they will be small. At the start of each month I will revisit Gretchen's blog/book to remind myself of what I'm aiming for and I'll set additional goals.

For January:

• Make my lunch (and Liz's) for the next day every night
  
• Write for 30 minutes each day
• Once a week (let's say Tuesday night, give or take) meditate for an entire hour (I usually just do 15-20 minutes a day)
  
• Stop nagging/snapping at Liz
  

"Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain

New Years Resolutions

Normally I don't make any New Years Resolutions at all. I think it's kind of a silly tradition, but I do love the idea of starting out fresh. So I figure I might as well jump on the bandwagon. For 2010 I resolve to:

1. Look at the PW or the City Paper and pick activities to do on the weekend even if I have to do them alone. I want to sit around the house less on the weekend.
2. Strengthen relationships with friends I have and make new friends. This one could be difficult for me since I am still feel like I'm re-learning how to make/strengthen friendships.
3. Make my lunch 4/5 days a week. And not just any lunch--a good lunch that will cover snack times as well.
4. Write for 30 minutes a day. I think I make this promise to myself pretty often, but maybe this time it will stick.

Aside from resolutions, I've been feeling pretty anxious since I got back home. I think I'm just needing time to settle in. I have acupuncture today for the first time in a long while! Yay!

A Very Cool Site

Check it outtttt:

Goal Setting Session One

As I've said before, I don't really have too much of a history with setting goals. To recap, I just began doing so around Spring 2007. So far my goal setting has been pretty unstructured. So, I'm going to use this space to set more specific goals today.

I plan on following-up in a few months to see what progress I've made and also to put down what my goals are at that time so I can see how they've changed, if they've changed at all. I am going to make Personal, Professional and Spiritual goals.

Personal Goals:
1. To move into a two bedroom apartment in August 2010.
2. To have a baby by August 2011.
3. To focus daily on being more compassionate towards Liz.
4. To volunteer with Pathways' VITA program during tax season.
5. To begin putting more money in my savings account each month since I'll be making more now.

Professional Goals:
1. To be organized and on top of all of my work at my new job.
2. To take advantage of the free classes my new employer offers. I will sign up to take a class beginning in January 2010.

Spiritual Goals:
1. To continue meditating every day.
2. To read The Power of Now.
3. To do another yoga/meditation workshop

Compassion

I'm tired so I'll expand on this later, but one of my goals for a while now has been to be compassionate towards all people/things. I think this will be a life-long goal, one that I'm continuously working on because I can't see where I could ever really reach a point where I'm able to say, "okay, done. I am compassionate."

I think compassion is more a thing we must continually work on and commit to. I also think that concern for others has the added bonus of reducing anxiety. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but I think it has something to do with getting your mind off of "I, I, I". However, I'm not advocating self-denial, but more of a middle ground, a take care of yourself and your needs so you can better take care of others policy.

"All the happiness there is in this world comes from thinking about others, and all the suffering comes from preoccupation with yourself." --Shantideva

Keep Your Goals Away from the Trolls*

I did go to yoga at lululemon this morning. It was fabulous! I left feeling absolutely amazing, and everyone there was very nice. So, a win-win, definitely.

Lululemon has a tab on their website called "education." Under "education" there is a link entitled "goal setting." I did not really learn about goal setting until mid-way through my senior year of college when I read a book by Jack Canfield. Perhaps you're laughing now because you find him to be a little hokey, but he really did help to convince me that I'm worthy enough to set goals, worthy enough to have preferences. Sure, I had heard reference to goal-setting when I played different sports, but nothing very detailed. In short, I did not understand how to do it or what it was or how big of an impact it can make. I was just sort of floating through life, and was pretty unsure of where I was going.

So, I sat out to set some goals. I think number one was just figuring out exactly what it was that I wanted, and learning that it's okay to want. The second, but equally important, goal was to become more friendly with my friends. I know, second semester senior year is not the most logical time to do that, but it was what I had. The third goal I set for myself was to stay on the East Coast after college and live with Liz. I also wanted to get a "real" job. Funny enough, I did not specify to myself what this real job would entail so I ended up taking pretty much anything I could get to fulfill that goal. Lobbying. Yep, I was a lobbyist.

So, fast forward about two years later, and turns out lobbying was not my cup of tea. I did not like working for the highest bidder. I did not like not having any say in what issues I would be supporting. It was time to set new goal. I decided that I needed to pay less rent in order to be able to work in the field I wanted to work in (social work) and still have a roof over my head. We moved, and we're still in that apartment. It's awesome (even if it is small)! I ended up taking an AmeriCorps* VISTA position to help me change career paths. Now my VISTA year is almost over, and I'm about to start my dream job. Goal setting, it's where it's at.

*Inside joke