Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Too often we cannot tell other people our innermost hopes and dreams. I think for me, and a lot of others, this creates a sense of alone-ness and anxiety that doesn't necessarily need to be there.

For the past year I have focused on fostering a community for myself where I can express me without fear of judgment. I've also focused on judging others less. Though I still fall prey to judging and worrying about being judged, I am better able to catch myself when these things start to happen. A year ago I also quit my job in lobbying to work in social services, a career where I am much more free to be me, and I am lucky in that I found a wonderful, fairly non judgmental organization.

Another big thing I did was distance myself from my parents judgments about me. I was not able to do this by distancing myself from my parents. For so long I tried to rid myself of how much their judgments bothered me by creating more and more actual, geographical distance between us. I was still miserable that they chose to judge me so often via the phone or email. When I was finally able to stop being bothered by their judgments, I was free. And I was not just free from their judgments, I was also free to stop judging them and appreciate them for what they are. I was able to respect their recommendations while acknowledging that even though they're my parents, they don't always know what's best for me.

I'll end with this quote from Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie:

"I was plunged into a green, glass-cloudy world filled with cutting edges, a world in which I could not longer tell the people who mattered most about the goings-on inside my head; green shards lacerated my hands as I entered the swirling universe in which I was doomed, until it was far too late, to be plagued by constant doubts about what I was for."

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