Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Another Zoloft Update

I've been having a rough time of it. Well, actually, I've been having a rough time of it starting yesterday at 11:48 am. Oh, office politics. I know it will be funny one day that you sometimes/most of the time make me cry.

So, at 8:40 am, while I was walking to work, I decided to set an intention for today: I will try my hardest to see and speak to each person I come in contact with not as I preconceive them to be, but as they actually are in that moment. Updates to follow throughout the day.

11:30 am--so far so good. I find that this intention allows me to be much more mindful during my interactions with others. This has led to more mindfulness overall, and is positively effecting my work.

1:00 pm--had a nice, thoughtful interchange with the cashier at Barnes and Noble.

1:10 pm--another thoughtful interchange with the receptionist downstairs.

2:00 pm--was able to joke successfully(!) with my boss

3:00 pm--am losing motivation. all my tasks are done (and i mean ALL my tasks). would like to please go home now.

3:30 pm--it's only been 30 minutes?

And my motivation pretty much stayed at this point until I got home and proceeded to meditate and then sob. I went through lots of "I'm not sure if I can stay off Zoloft moments," I talked it out with Liz, and then I felt so much better. SO much better. It was ridiculous. Like I just needed a friend to talk to...not a co-worker. I think that was what was so great about being a VISTA--my co-workers were truly my friends, too. We were comrades, a team.

I have also just been very, very weepy lately. When I first stopped taking Zoloft I wasn't weepy at all, but I was dealing with anxiety. My anxiety is very much under control through meditation right now. I just get weepy. I cannot watch the Today show without crying. Don't even get me started on Law and Order!...or Hallmark commercials. I pretty much have to leave the room for those.

Speaking of office politics (which I did in my intro), they are tough here. A huge silver lining is that the people I work closest with are very, very nice and helpful. I still miss being an Americorps* VISTA. Best job ever, hands down.

I have to say, setting my intention for the day and really focusing on it was awesome! I really felt it helped me to connect with other people, which I see as one of the main points of life.

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